Choosing Solitude: When You’d Rather Not Be Bothered
“The Happiest of all lives is a busy solitude” - Voltaire.
In a world that often praises busyness, extroversion, and “staying connected,” choosing solitude can be misunderstood—especially when you live abroad. But for many expats, repats, and trailing spouses, there are times when the most nourishing thing you can do is step away.
Not because you’re depressed. Not because you’re angry.
But because you need space—to breathe, to think, to just be.
And yet, choosing to not be available—to decline invitations, turn off your phone, or sit with your own company—often triggers guilt or judgment. From others. Or even from yourself.
The Difference Between Loneliness and Solitude
Loneliness is a painful disconnection from others.
Solitude is an intentional connection with yourself.
It’s not about hiding or shutting down. It’s about reclaiming quiet moments that allow you to decompress from:
Emotional overload
Cultural overstimulation
The invisible weight of “performing” in a foreign setting
Being always available for others’ needs
Why Expats Crave Solitude (Even When They Can’t Explain It)
Living abroad requires a high level of adaptability. You’re constantly interpreting cues, navigating unfamiliar systems, and managing cross-cultural interactions. Even simple tasks like going to the grocery store can feel emotionally draining when you’re doing it in a second (or third) language.
Over time, this can lead to sensory and social fatigue—a desire to shut the world out, not because you’re antisocial, but because your nervous system is asking for a break.
Choosing solitude becomes a quiet act of self-protection and healing.
“Don’t You Want to Come Out?” — When Others Don’t Understand
You might hear:
“You’re isolating yourself.”
“You’re being antisocial.”
“You used to be more fun.”
But solitude isn’t a sign of failure. It’s not a red flag.
It can be a healthy boundary—a way to preserve your emotional energy when everything feels too loud.
When you live abroad, your alone time isn’t just restful—it can be essential to staying grounded.
The Gift Inside the Silence
When you choose solitude consciously, it can bring:
Clarity about what truly matters
Emotional reset from cultural overstimulation
A deepened sense of self without distraction
Creative renewal and quiet joy
You reconnect with your own rhythm—your breath, your thoughts, your longings.
And in that space, you may rediscover parts of yourself that were lost in the shuffle of adaptation, caregiving, or “keeping it all together.”
Supporting Yourself in Solitude (Without Feeling Guilty)
It’s okay to:
Say no without justifying it
Cancel plans without shame
Create tech-free hours or days
Not respond immediately to messages
Retreat to nature, books, or music
Your presence is not a debt.
And if solitude feels difficult to claim or maintain, this may be a sign that deeper emotional patterns are asking to be seen and gently rewired.
How Hypnotherapy Helps You Reclaim Safe Solitude
As a hypnotherapist and expat resilience coach, I help clients:
Identify unconscious guilt around rest and withdrawal
Release the need to constantly please or respond
Regulate their nervous system through calm, focused sessions
Develop self-trust in moments of silence and space
Solitude shouldn’t feel like hiding—it should feel like home.
Want to Turn Solitude Into Strength?
If you’re feeling overstimulated, emotionally spread thin, or simply longing for a moment that’s just yours…
You may consider to explore my one-to-one sessions for expats and repats with me , Mei Yee and learn how to make space for yourself without apology.
or visit Evolve Minds – Homepage for more insights.
Next in the “Alone Abroad” Series:
Disappearing Quietly: Hiding as a Coping Mechanism Abroad