Disappearing Quietly: Hiding as a Coping Mechanism Abroad
“This was a new skill she'd acquired, the ability to look, to the outside world, utterly serene and even cheerful, while, in her skull, all was chaos.”
— Dave Eggers, The Circle
There’s a kind of disappearing that isn’t physical—but emotional.
When you’re abroad and overwhelmed, it can feel easier to pull back, shrink, go silent. Not because you don’t care. But because you’re trying to cope.
This isn’t solitude. It’s not intentional rest.
It’s emotional hiding—a subtle withdrawal from others and sometimes from yourself.
And for many expats, repats, and trailing spouses, it can become a default way of surviving the invisible emotional weight of living far from home.
What Does "Disappearing Quietly" Look Like?
You may recognize it in small behaviors:
Ignoring messages that feel too exhausting to answer
Avoiding video calls with family because it’s hard to explain your feelings
Opting out of invitations, even ones you might enjoy
Turning off the world—social media, phones, even eye contact
Smiling on the outside but emotionally checked out
It’s not about drama or making a statement.
It’s about slipping out of reach in hopes of finding peace—or at least, some silence.
Why Expats and Trailing Spouses Hide
Living abroad demands constant adjustment.
It brings unfamiliar pressures, cultural expectations, loneliness, and sometimes unspoken grief. When support feels distant or unavailable, it can feel easier to retreat inward.
Often, this hiding is rooted in:
Emotional exhaustion
Fear of judgment (“They won’t understand what I’m going through.”)
Guilt for struggling (“I chose this life. I should be happy.”)
Avoidance of vulnerability (“It’s too hard to explain, so I won’t.”)
What begins as a pause can spiral into disconnection—and that isolation only reinforces the cycle.
The Hidden Cost of Hiding
On the surface, disappearing might bring temporary relief.
But over time, it can deepen:
Feelings of loneliness and invisibility
Misunderstandings in relationships
Loss of identity or purpose
Emotional numbness or low-level depression
You start to feel like a ghost in your own life—present, but not engaged.
You Are Not Weak for Wanting to Disappear
If this resonates with you, know this:
You’re not broken. You’re not failing.
You’re trying to protect your energy in the only way you currently know how.
But there are gentler ways to reclaim safety without disappearing.
How Hypnotherapy and Coaching Can Help You Re-Emerge Gently
As a hypnotherapist and expat resilience coach, I help individuals who’ve quietly withdrawn begin to:
Unpack the emotional weight that caused them to hide
Release guilt around needing space
Rebuild trust in safe, nourishing connection
Learn emotional regulation tools that don’t involve isolation
This isn’t about forcing re-entry into the world. It’s about making your inner world a safer, calmer place to live—so you feel strong enough to engage again.
When You're Ready to Return—At Your Pace
Disappearing isn’t failure.
But staying hidden for too long can rob you of joy, support, and healing.
If you’re ready to come back—to life, to yourself, or to connection—know that it doesn’t have to be loud.
It just needs to be yours.
Visit [Evolve Minds – Homepage] to explore mind-calming tools and expat support.
or simply reach out and book a call and see just how Mei Yee can help you.
Final in the “Alone Abroad” Series is :
How to Rebuild Connection After Isolation