Heartache 24/7: Holding Yourself Together While Quietly Falling Apart

The Weight of Pain We Carry Alone

Heartache, like many pains, is not something you can run from, hide, avoid, or fight off that easily. Its superpower is to give you more pain, or more pains to juggle all at once.

The Rise and Fall of What Once Was Normal

Some years back I met Edward and he had his good days… and his not-so-good days.
Days where he could laugh, work at his top post, give his best energy, and receive the best life could offer in return. And then there were the other days… the not-so-good ones, which only got worse as the signing of his divorce loomed closer.

He would finish a bottle of wine in the morning. Sometimes with food. Sometimes just sitting there, cigarette in hand, letting his tears fall onto his lap.

“The drinking and the smoke take turns standing guard over me, making sure I’m still alive and not thinking,” he told me as he was taking another mouthful from his glass in his new home.

“I thought about rehab, but I don’t know how to tell our children… I want to retain what little grace I have left,” he said—his words were heavy, coming from a very tired man.  He was not sleeping well.

When Pretending Becomes a Full-Time Performance

The memory of what was noticed a decade ago is now “show time.”
Time has intensified the drinking, the smoking, and the silent tears. More hiding from the down times. More pretending. More giving the best vibes in public so no one sees the collapse happening inside.
And that only brings more pain.
More ache.
More alone.

My presence there with him felt like a small possibility for a turnaround. When someone like Edward reaches out, you know a decent person inside is fighting to be free.

When Life Feels Too Heavy to Hold

We all have moments of panic—anxious about what life might or might not bring, and whether it will match the hopes we carry. The agitation can be enough to reach for the nearest comfort )… the wine bottle, the cigarette, the escape (the temporary fixes). And the pain becomes heavier, more frequent.

“Maybe when the divorce finalises, I might get some proper rest,” he said, looking at me as if an answer might come from my eyes.

We all move through life with hope and wishes.
But life also brings surprises we feel we can’t bear.

Edward has his share.
More than his share.
And the mind, in its desperation to help, tries solving pain with solutions that only pile on more pain of destruction habits.

Seeing the Signs, Yet Feeling Powerless

How often do we see someone walking toward their own destruction—
and find ourselves either speaking into the void
or afraid to speak at all?

How many times do we receive signs and warnings that we are heading in the wrong direction but are unable to trust anyone?
Not even ourselves.

How Do You Find Your Feet Again?

The truth is, there is no perfect answer wrapped in a neat box. Healing rarely arrives loudly. It comes in moments — small, almost invisible ones — where you choose one breath, one pause, one honest conversation, one moment of asking for help instead of numbing.

Heartache will still be there.
The memories will still sting.
But something shifts the moment you stop running from your pain and begin to sit beside it.

Sometimes the first step is not quitting the wine or the cigarettes or the hiding.
Sometimes the first step is simply saying, “I am struggling.”

And letting someone hear you. Best is to find someone who knows how to listen.

We are not meant to carry these heavy seasons alone, even though many of us try.
We are not meant to pretend strength while we quietly fall apart.

Can you really find the strength from that foot?

If you are reading this and see parts of Edward in yourself — or in someone you love — let this be your reminder:

You are not weak for hurting.
You are not broken for feeling lost.
You are human.

And even in the darkest chapters, there is always a way forward.
Not all at once.
Not perfectly.
Just one sincere step at a time.

Your feet will find the ground again.
You will remember who you are.
And when you do — that will be your new beginning.

If You Need a Hand, You Don’t Have to Walk Alone

If any part of this feels close to home, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Sometimes just speaking your truth — even softly — is enough to let the healing begin and find your way home.

Reach out if you need a space to talk, breathe, or simply be heard.
There is support here when you’re ready.